well guys. found out yesterday that I can't get into Edinburgh or Glasgow to study medicine. I am distraught. Spent so long crying yesterday that my eyes are still burning. Phoned the admissions office up yesterday, don't think I will ever forget that phone-call. I don't have a clue what to do. My options are as follows:
1. Give up completely on medicine, focus on 6 courses in science and get everything done by Jan.15th
2. Stick with medicine but doctor personal statement so that I can apply to science courses as well in the short time I have of 2 days.
3. Just rely on getting into Dundee or St. Andrews and leave the personal statement the way it is, but still apply for a course in sciences.
My mind is so numb and in shock. Am now just killing myself over the fact that I thought I could get into Glasgow as well. What a tube...The thought of being away from home terrifies me, especially Dundee, and I don't wanna be away from Gorgie. Am terrified too, 'cause I did some crap to myself and I can't tell my parents. I feel like I've let everyone down. People were rooting for me to get into medicine, and I still wanna, and maybe Edinburgh isn't the place for me, maybe I'm meant to be in Dundee, but still, everyone knows that I wanna do medicine, and if I give up then it's all so screwed. But if I move up to Dundee what if I lose relationships down here? I've already lost Laura, I don't wanna lose anyone else. Everytime I think about going to Dundee now I'm just like " this could be it, either i'm meant to go there or I'm not". bugger. sorry. the dwain quote has never been so meaningful, never ever. I am at a dead end and my options are slowly but surely closing in on me. Flip, flip flip flip flip. My arm hurts, a constant reminder, at least for the next few days. It's quite ugly. Such a mess just now. Mr Todd, the best teacher ever ever ever has helped me though, encouragement and all, but again, rooting for me to go to medicine, but what if it don't happen. Dundee? Someone said that they'd love me there but I'm not so sure. Man, this is unreal, absolutely unreal. I have to go now coz people are talking about university courses, I'm worried in case I'm gonna get bitter, I think it's quite a possibility, i don't wanna be like that. but anyway i have to go do a new personal statement. prayers please i need them so much. love.xxx
3 comments:
You've always had my prayers.
steph, i'm still here for you i'm a phone call away if it is at silly o clock in the morning i'll talk to you then so i can help yo! but i can't help you inless you phone love you always will love ya you mean loadz to me as my bestest mate i'll be praying for you yeah thats a promise! but phone if you need to cry scream swear anything! loves xxx
Hiya Steph... sorry to see you're going through some major crap at the moment.
You have some uber-choices ahead, I do not envy you. I can remember that time (wow... I suddenly feel old it was like nearly 11 years ago... shudder). I would love to help you as I do not want to see any of my friends hurting or in pain, but I am not exactly a good person at offering advice (neither am I a good one to take any from), and now having said that I'm gonna give it a shot anyway, hopefully some of this will make sense...
God has a plan for you, as He does for everyone, He knows the choices you will make, the good, the bad, the wise, the stupid, but ultimately as long as we keep focused on Him (a lesson I need to learn at this point in my life) this plan will be for our best, it will make us stronger, as not only a person of this world but of the next. I am not saying that any of what I am saying makes any of this any easier, trust me it will still hurt... sometimes a lot, but in the end, looking back you will be able see that something has come out of it.
There have been many points in my life where I have been so low that it seems as if there is no light or hope left and no point in continuing with anything, let alone life, but God has used those times to somehow reveal to me a truth. Through my dark days I have learnt some of my most profound lessons from God, the most relevant is that every choice will ultimately be used for God's glory or to teach a lesson, or to help us grow.
For example take my recent "disastrous" trip to Japan, I believed that it was the right thing to do and then within 3 days I was unemployed and homeless because I could not work for people who believed in the crap they believed in, suddenly I was left in a bad situation but God saw me through me with kind friends and in the end I have learnt the meaning of true hospitality, what it means to stand up for my beliefs and have that cost me, and I still got to see an amazing country... in the end it was a good thing I went, okay now I am in a bad situation again having been unemployed for 6 months with no idea where I am going, but I know (on my better days when I am not feeling that my entire life has been one mess to the next) that God has a plan and He will, if I listen to Him, show me where he wants me, and if I obey and follow it will be for my, and others, benefit.
I can see that you have gone through some dark days recently, one pain masking another, the choices, the letdowns, the doubts and worries, please remember that I am always at the end of an email, or the phone, at any time of day or night (especially since I am by nature a denizen of the night and so don't get to sleep until very early in the morning) if you ever get so desperate that I am an option of someone to talk to.
Anyway, I have no idea if any of that makes any sense, I should probably have typed this when I was fully awake... which is usually sometime around midnight :)
Rest assured that you are in my thoughts and prayers, to continue my random attempts at cheesy Christiany "help" I leave you with two verses which came to mind (to keep with your screen name I used the Message):
"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." - Jeremiah 29:11
"Whatever was, is. Whatever will be, is. That's how it always is with God." - Ecclesiastes 3:15
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