Steph the Shark Saviour

I saved a shark yesterday. Was at a beach near Cambeltown due to being at Inverarey and all for hols, and yeah so was on this beach and there was a dogfish beached on the sand. so everyone was like "oh dear" etc etc and it was still alive so i picked it up (understatement, description later) and put it in the water. took two attempts coz the wonderful, stupid fish wouldnt swim away. and then we realised that it was a mummy shark (dudududududududuuuu) and it had been laying mermaids purses, and there was a baby shark in a little pouch not far away from where mummy shark got rescued nad it was like wow, creation is so incredible, INCREDIBLE!!!! aw man, this actual living thing had just given birth, basically, to baby sharks! sorry, but that just overwhelms me. and when i picked this animal, this living thing up, to realise it was living and breathing and had a heart and lungs and everything and i was holding it, like what an honour. yeah i know it was just a shark, but wow. it stranded itself a second time and i had to wade in and direct it to a safe bit with no current and i saw it swim away...hoping that will stay with me for a long time. of course my dc's got absolutely soaked by the waves, boo, but because they are the shoes that go and do everything with me it seems rather apt. anyway the whole escapade seriously made me think about life, and death, and God and people. i sat in the hotel room and realised that i am in fact absolutely terrified of death. and my belief in God, it's wavering. and i don't know why. i so wanna explain it in a way that won't bore you all,but that's not possible really, so i'll leave it for another day. its' so simple, yet so complex. i look at cities and houses and motorways and cars and i'm just like where is God in this? then i look at the shark, the mountains, the army, kids church, band, my friends and im like, yeah god's there. but what happens if im not with these things all the time? faith goes, and it sucks. i wanna feel alive. aw yeah, was thinking about this in the car. at a moment of not so much doubt i was like yeah, god's here, god is in this world without a doubt, and then a realised that i wanna feel, actually feel something in me, that i know is god, a flame, a heat, a silence (love you Elijah), anything. as im writing this just now i know that im loving this search for God, actually loving it so much coz i know that when i get this dude in my life properly, unwaveringly then its gonna be so sorted and then we (me an God) can do so many things without my doubt, my fear, just with elation and thankfulness. hmm, im thinking a roots trip is going to take place for definite. because then i will be only a week til official adulthood (pleeeeeeease give me ideas for what to do for my 18th) and it will all be very good. hmm, my friend was saying in his blog about in the world not of it and yeah, iv had that and i love it, i want more of it. i want more of it. love to you pals.xx