Ok, I have a whole hour to update you on what's going on. So far I have not heard anything from any of the Uni's so am freaking out a little bit. I did actually have a dream last night that I got a letter from Dundee and I had got an interview so yeah, the dream before had involved me saving a little boy that had drowned on a white cross floating in the ocean with an animal skull in his mouth, so I don't think any of it is rather reliable. Um, the past few weekends have rocked. 2 weekends ago I was at Clydebank so I saw everyone. It was my cousins enrolment as a Senior Soldier, so that was lovely. I got to play in their band and played such a great cornet. How sad am I? Note to self, thoughts about music. Very jealous of those who have funky net systems, I still have to trawl through everyones, but I like the colours so it's all good. And then this weekend was great because my bestest mate Laura came up, down, across, sideways, whatever, and it rocked. And she's coming back up!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!
It was the All Scotland Youth Councils as well so I saw Clydebank and Govan and other people as well, again. Stuff happened and it was good. My mum, sis, Laura and me went shopping on the Saturday which was also fun. Ispent most of the weekend up in the tech bit with craig and marti(y?)n. And that was so much fun. The ladder, the dancing, sweet memories...aw yeah, and Alistair gave me two books, Screwtape letters and Mere Christianity. Screwtape is bloomin' incredible, but I'm getting a bit muddled by it, Lewis' syntax can be quite strange. His thoughts are just ground-breaking. I was actually in floods for one letter, because it was totally what I needed. hmm...
Never mind. And I drew another angel picture. My mum thinks I need exorcised, my dad said that I realise how hard it can be. And I want to read the God Delusion, I think it can be used as a weapon.
What else?
Aw yeah, I was speaking to some people about this, corruption. It's a really disgusting word. The word itself, like rupture. But yeah, are parts of the Army corrupt? It makes me so sad to think that yeah, some bits actually are, but no-ones taking the initiative to say anything. Well, music school two years ago, but for some reason Satan's still in there. Like he is in all of us, but at least some of us try and do something about it. It makes me so upset, hypocrisy is a killer. And look, yet again, I'm being one now. But when I think of the people that have been lost, people that I don't know, people that I do know, it makes me mad. I hate Satan. Mehness.
Hmm...and I think it's funny how people go about things in different ways. Showing Jesus, love, strange stuff. Books and music might do the job, fantastic, but it's the person YOU are that does it really.
I just read something. People want there to be hope. Hope that this is not it. That there is a point to life. Wow, it's just that society is so content with the world as it is they aren't searching anymore. But some people are...that fills me with determination. Hmm...I wanted an orange yesterday, and my mum had just gone shopping for food, and there was a brand-new bag of oranges. And I love fresh fruit. So I went over and tried to open the bag. I made like so many holes in it, but I pulled and pulled and it just wasn't happening. So I let go. And then I looked again, and saw that there was only the tiniest little bit of netting left, so I went at it. Got it open, and had one of the nicest oranges I've ever had. It was perfect. Take from it what you will. Maybe I'm over interpreting, but it encouraged me. It's not over 'til it's over.
I think the apocalypse is nigh.
I also found out that Jews don't believe in the New Testament. They're still waiting on the Messiah...how scary.
And I want to go to Korea (the not so good one (not supposed to say that, am I?)) to start a church, how exciting!!!
I am scared though. Screwtapes description of hell and stuff, it really freaked me out. Hmm...my friend Callum said to me that the reason Satan is so attractive is because he's a fallen angel. I hate it how he's in me right now. I think I'm focusing on him more than God. I'm quite screwed up really, ament I? flip, I'm scared.
Am looking forward to band tonight, usually cheers me up. And I'll get to see my mates for the 3rd week in a row, it's so exciting.
I'm actually messed up, and I mess peoples lives up. I am actually rubbish. And I hate school.
Oh well.
Love and all that jazz.x
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3 comments:
Hello 'Message,
Here's my two bits on this intractable debate. Hope you and others can appreciate my efforts to provide a key to a true solution for humanity's seemingly never-ending cycle of struggle and despair.
Analyzing the Creator Debate
Did you ever consider that atheism arose because certain people saw that religious characterizations about the nature of an omnipotent "God" were seriously flawed and then concluded that religion and the Creator were the same things? This is the exact same conclusion at the base of religious beliefs; namely that the Creator and religion are inseparable. Consequently, both atheists and religious followers are arguing over a flawed assumption without considering that other possibilities negate the common core conclusion of both groups. These arguments are actually over religion and whether it represents a reliable model of reality. The answer to this question is of course not. Religion is not only flawed, it is purposely deceptive! Though atheists are certainly sincere in their conclusions, the fact remains that they and religious followers are locked in a debate that cannot be won by either side because both base their positions upon whether the same flawed premise is the truth. In order for this debate to conclude with a truthful answer, a greater level of discernment is required.
One apt clarifying question is, if someone tells lies about you, does that negate you or make you a liar or a lie? Certainly, the image cast about you would be a false one, but that is their image, not the real you. Consequently, faulty religious assertions about the Creator of this universe do not negate the existence of a Creator. Considering the possibility that this universe is not by chance leaves the door open to how it arose, which leads us to seek what could have created and maintained it. Since neither religion nor science has yet adequately answered this question, it is safe to conclude that those who argue about the Creator based on either are most certainly wrong about one or more aspects. Therefore, another point of view and additional knowledge are required.
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Peace...
Okay completely ignoring the above comment because its nearly 230am and I'll end up ranting, and this is not the place for such things...
There is so much I'd like to comment on, but I won't because I REALLY should get some sleep (and the fact I'll be at Gorgie on Sunday morning also comes into it)
Steph, you are not messed up. If you are messed up then what does that make me... hmm... this line of thinking is probably not going to help, but what the heck.
You're supposed to be messed up, this is the time (and will be for the next few years) where you become who you are. These struggles of your mind and spirit help forge you (not to say that later you will not be reforged).
Relish the struggles, embrace the weirdness, learn, adapt, flourish. If you keep close to the Lord, and especially those who are "older" in the ways of Christ, then you will be fine.
You'll have to post more of your pictures sometime, I firmly believe art is a window into out souls and our minds... although looking at what I draw this is not a good thing. If you want to draw (no pun intended) something from you drawing angels, take this, the drawing of angels in my mind shows a deep yearning for God and His message.. besides angels are cool.
Callum is right, Satan is a fallen angel,and not just any angel, he has been referred to as the Angel of Light, the leader of worship in Heaven (before the fall obviously).
Anyway I'm rambling and I don't think I'm making much sense (so tired!), so I'll see you laters.
steph,
you are not messed up!!!
i think you're worried about the uni stuff and God and loads of other stuff like school and things.
try to give yourself time to relax. maybe even once a day close yourself in your room and ask people not to disturb you. hey, you could maybe keep a diary or something when you are up and down. maybe then you could identify the problem. then you could be strong and face it head on.
thats kind of what i do. i mean, everyone has ups and downs! ask your sister, your parents, friends. i bet they'll all have had some kind of depressed moment when they thought that they were 'messed up'. perhaps you could find out what they did.
come over and see my blog at www.sorche.blogspot.com. you'll see my ups and downs.
love and bless
Sarah
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